I feel so lonely
Nostalgia torments my soul every night
Every time I look to the sky
Through my window, soaked by the rain
Reminds me your presence
I´ m weeping again
Sometimes I think
You were nothing but a dream
But your fine face haunts my dreams
Placid dreams that unburden their sins
In morning pain
Your pinks lips
Your dark eyes, your black hair
Why have you left so alone here?
You took everything from me.

Sometimes I think of suicide
Take something sharp and sit on the couch
And think of your first kiss and mine
We were young,
Within my soul and head
Death and life are always fighting
You know, I would sell my soul to the Devil
Just to feel your warm chest against mine
Just to feel your mouth on mine
To kiss your cold nose
How I miss you
Lady Ligeia.
Many have tried
But no one could ever replace you.

You were my best friend in childhood
You really were my only friend
You are everything to me
My Goddess.
My world, my surroundings
Have become an inferno
You were the only one that made me forget
My sorrow and misery
Your innocent and beautiful face
Your snow white skin and smile
Filled me with hope
And made me feel alive.

My first kiss, my first sin
The only woman I have loved in this wicked world
I remember your hands,
Comfortable, soft and small
Caressing my neck, biting me
And licking my blood
The only inspiration
The reason of every verse write
You swore to accompany me in old age
But now you´ re gone…

Desperate… to see you
I find myself on the dark side, because,
It´ s the only possible way
To bring your soul back to me again
But it was in vain
My witchcraft was poor
Now I am trapped in this abyss
For you I am here
Because of you I´ ve been cursed
My love for you was my damnation
And I have no hope for redemption
Every time you wept, I licked your eyes
Tasted your tears,
Your pain and bliss, your fears…
Just to feel you closer.

Every memory of thee, Muse
Is a scar in me
Bringing back times that made me feel content.
And now they drain me.

When we were children
Everyday, at noon
You took my hands and we ran
Upon the golden grass of spring
And ran uphill,
Beneath the country´ s placid sun
To the apex of grassy tiny hill
And there was a swing
And together we swayed
With the warm wind touching our faces and hair
We talked until dusk came down
We stood there for long hours, of secrecy,
Beholding marvelous landscapes
Feeling now a fresh breeze chilling our cheeks
Beholding mountains and rivers
Villages and happy villagers,
By the river, an old man
Every morning milking the cattle
To have breakfast
He was so lone and happy
He never stopped smiling.

Goats gathered near us
Biting the dewy grass around the sway
Just when the sky turns orange
And purple when it caresses the mountains beyond
You took me to this great tree
Of yellowish flowers
And we laid down on the grass to watch the sky,
Carrousels and polar bears drawn on the clouds,
Inventing Christmas stories
When flowers fell
Like snow in December winter
Ripped off by the kiss of the breeze.

I had you for nineteen rosy years
For nineteen beautiful years
Until He damaged your delicate heart
The one that pounded for me
The one I heard while you were asleep.
You left me all alone.

He took you away from me
Oh! How I loathe him
He spoiled my life
And I shall never see you again
Because you are with Him now
My madness took me somewhere else
In a cold place of eternal darkness
Where my heresy is punished with cruelty
With your absence as a whipcord.


I have become so evil
A dark creature lurking in the dark corners of the monastery
For love,
For hope is not lost yet
For purging my weary soul and reach Paradise
And commit deicide.
My mind understands it is impossible
But human heart is good and dork
Love, compassion and mercy
Lead to perdition and defeat.

This is the end of this handwriting
You know not how many tears I’ve poured writing it
Some letters are bloodstained
But I will not see it.

I love you
Hope to see you someday my Finnish nymph
Thy rosy and fair lips.
Thy dreamy eyes, flickering.

Forty years later
I find myself on the top of the hill again
In that sway.

At night
I am here again
After decades of trying.
Churches burned
And millions were slaughtered
But what was it al worth for?
Some wounds hurt and never heal
Some wounds ache forever.

My soul,
A lurid lunatis.