It's when you are sucked mercilessly into the realms of excitement and exhillaration, then are suddenly spit back to reality without even a moment to comprehend or blink, that you see how gray the world is. No actually. correction. Not THE world, YOUR world. That makes the
wound sting. You know the source of the bleak gray all to well but you can't come out and say it. It isn't even safe to think it. You want to blame the place you live, oh the people who live there. However no matter how much you fret and wallow in the dark your mind struggles against the lies it itself is fabricating. It knows the truth, it just graces you by shoving the truth way back. This truth flares within your mind with time. Soon it excellerates and instead of just letting it loom around the edge of your thoughts, you begin to do everything in your power to evade the forth-coming truth. The truth of the gray around you; why color is non-existant and why you don't feel like trying. Why everything is still, stuck. Why everything isn't right.

But you don't want to say it, think it. It's too hard. You want to deny the inevitable. Instead of finally letting your mind tell you what you refuse to already know, you try to keep it busy. While at the same time do nothing that could possibly serve as a reminder. Because of this you begin to stray from what you like, and obsess over what you didn't. It seems this is liveable. liveable. LIVEABLE!?!??!!??!

THAT ISN'T ENOUGH.

OF COURSE IT ISN'T ENOUGH! WHY WASTE LIFE AND ALL IT'S IRRESISTABLE PERKS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STUBBORN TO ADMIT WHAT IS ALREADY KNOWN? ADMIT THE TRUE REASON YOU'RE UNHAPPY AND UNIMPRESSED WITH LIFE?

It's too hard. Correction. It's SO hard, but nonetheless can be done. The reason the bleak gray world around you is bleak is simple. It has nothing to do with the annoying little town you live in, the majority of people with no interest in talking to you, the mistrusting climate. They aren't the reasons that you've developed a cynical way of living.

It's you.

Easy to say, not easy to take in. All that time of blaming one and all, you are the one in all. The displeasing thing is that of course this isn't new. People say it on all the talk shows, in all the books, in the encouragement talks, in everything. You even knew it deep down too, as deep as you let it get. Now that you know why you're what you are, what do you do about it?

Good Question.